How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
Jauka, stāstiem un dzīvesgudrības bagāta grāmata par to, kā mums visiem vajadzētu mazliet mainīties - būt mazāk egocentriskiem un pievērst vairāk uzmanības cilvēkiem, ar kuriem komunicējams un ar kuriem vēlamies sadarboties.
Mana galvenā tēze laikam būtu - KLAUSIES!
Kā arī tas, ka katrs no mums vēlas būt svarīgs. Un katrs no mums var kādam šo sajūtu dot, esot labs sarunu biedrs, uzslavējot par patiesi labiem darbiem, iejūtoties otra ādā un nekad neapvainojot otru. Man jāaizmirst teikums kā You are wrong, ja gribu cilvēku pārliecināt par savu taisnību - mēs esam spītīgi => DEBATES NETRĀDĀ!
Lasot grāmatu šķiet, ka ir tik vienkārši pagriezt situāciju sev par labu, ja zini, kāds tad īsti ir tas rezultāts, ko galā gribi sasniegt. Vienīgi ir jāspēj norīt tas krupis vārdā pašlepnums, jāļauj būt ievainojamam un (šis man ir visgrūtākais - ) jāaudzina sava pacietība.
Vēl svarīgs punkts, uz ko es līdz šim esmu diezgan smagi grēkojusi, ir tuvo cilvēku attiecības un strīdi. No strīdiem vienkārši ir labāk izvairīties, bet nekas tā negrauj tuvas attiecības kā čīkstēšana, piekasīšanās un kritizēšana. Jo sevišķi publiska.
The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life. Talk about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.
Spilgtākie citāti
Perspective of the other
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
How can I make this person want to do it?
Why should he or she want to do it?
We all want to be important.
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
We are interested in others when they are interested in us. /Publilius Syrus
In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing - and keep on emphasizing - the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose
Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other persons’ viewpoint.
I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.
Active listening
What is the secret, the mystery, of a successful business interview? Well, according to former Harvard president Charles W. Eliot, “There is no mystery about successful business intercourse. … Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.”
Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Rise ‘em up
I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.
A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.
He who treads softly goes far.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
People are honest and want to discharge their obligations. The exceptions to that rule are comparatively few, and I am convinced that the individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair.
Always make the other person feel important. - the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature.
People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
Reputation to live up to
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime. A real leader will always let the other person save face.
Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Arguments and critique
There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument - and that is to avoid it.
Throw down a challenge!
DON’T NAG!
Don’t try to make your partner over.
Don’t criticize and never criticize before others.
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so.”
changing BUT to AND changes everything
- BUT - “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. BUT if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.”
- AND - “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, AND by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”
Prepare
“I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours before an interview,” said Dean Donham of the Harvard business school, “than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer.”