Barking Up The Wrong Tree by Eric Barker
The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is Mostly Wrong
Review
This is not the book I expected. It is not about which profession to choose and science about gut/decisions. But it is a book about success.
Barking up the wrong tree is a book that checks out assumptions and looks to check if the everyday stereotypes we hold on to are true.
Each big chapter is formulated as a question. And I must say that the questions are totally on point if you think about typical stereotypes of success.
Because this book is very well written for people like me that just want to keep an extract of the main points, I’ll paste them here, chapter by chapter.
1: Should We Play It Safe and Do What We’re Told If We Want to Succeed?
- KNOW THYSELF (filtered/unfiltered leader)
- PICK THE RIGHT POND (Which companies, institutions, and situations value what I do?/ context)
Or in other words:
… know thyself and pick the right pond. Identify your strengths and pick the right place to apply them.
If you follow rules well, find an organization aligned with your signature strengths and go full steam ahead. Society clearly rewards those who can comply, and these people keep the world an orderly place.
If you’re more of an unfiltered type, be ready to blaze your own path. It’s risky, but that’s what you were built for. Leverage the intensifiers that make you unique. You’re more likely to reach the heights of success—and happiness—if you embrace your “flaws.”
2: Do Nice Guys Finish Last?
No, they don’t. At least in long term, being nice pays off. In short term being a jackass pays off. So, if you encounter the people just once, exploit. If more, befriend.
1. PICK THE RIGHT POND:
When you take a job take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with—because the odds are you’re going to become like them; they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.
2. COOPERATE FIRST
the takers and givers
They need to like you.
3. BEING SELFLESS ISN’T SAINTLY, IT’S SILLY
start nice, but pay back what others done to you/ the prisoners game - trust, forgive, trust, exploit
4. WORK HARD—BUT MAKE SURE IT GETS NOTICED
Every Friday send your boss an email summarizing your accomplishments for the week
5. THINK LONG TERM AND MAKE OTHERS THINK LONG TERM
bad behavior is strong in the short term but good behavior wins over in the long term.
People are always trying to discern two things: whether a potential partner can be trusted and whether he or she is likely to be encountered again. Answers to those two questions, far beyond anything else, will determine what any of us will be motivated to do in the moment.
6. FORGIVE
You’re not perfect, others aren’t perfect, and sometime people get confused.
3: Do Quitters Never Win and Winners Never Quit?
a quiz down here:
1. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO BE GRITTY AT?
A. Yes!
B. I’m not sure, but I have a few hunches.
C. What was the question? I got distracted.
If you answered a, skip right on down to the next question.
If you answered b, it’s time to WOOP. Take each of those hunches and run them through the wish-outcome-obstacle-plan process. The one that energizes you the most should get serious consideration. The ones that leave you meh get the boot.
If you answered c, it’s time for some “little bets.” You need to try more stuff until something excites you. Whatever strikes a chord, give it a WOOP.
2. ARE YOU OPTIMISTIC?
A. Absolutely!
B. We’re all going to die lonely and without anything good to watch on TV.
If you answered a, you’re rockin’ and rollin’. Head to question 3.
If you answered b, it’s time to look at your explanatory style. The real dilemma with pessimism is that it’s actually more accurate. Yes, the cynics are often right. But as we learned in the first chapter, always playing the odds can be a prescription for mediocrity—especially when the thing you’re betting on is yourself. This is why Martin Seligman developed a great balance so you don’t go full-on delusional. He calls it “flexible optimism.”
Being a little pessimistic at times keeps us honest. But when the risks arevery low (which is true, frankly, for most things) or when the payoffs are very high (such as a career you might want to devote your life to) optimism is the way to go. It’s a balance. A balance that with practice you can find.
With the little things, show optimism. What have you got to lose? And with the big things that can change your life, optimism is the fuel to push yourself past the odds. When things seem high risk and low reward, pessimism is a tool you can dust off to make sure you don’t go all Pollyanna.
Want to be gritty like an awesome insurance salesperson? Sorry, that’s not terribly sexy. Okay, let’s try again: Want to be gritty like a Navy SEAL? You need to remember Seligman’s three Ps; don’t see bad things as permanent, pervasive, or personal.
3. DO YOU HAVE A MEANINGFUL STORY?
A. Viktor Frankl would be proud of me.
B. I borrowed my story from a Bill Murray film.
Did you answer a? On to the next question. You’re doing great.
If you answered b, it might be time to think about that eulogy. Who do you want to be remembered as? What qualities do you want your friends and loved ones to prize and miss? They remind you who you are when things get hard. Stories don’t have to be 100 percent true. The goal is to use them as a springboard to make them true with time and hard work.
And stories are personal. They can come from the most serious things, like religion, patriotism, parenthood, or career goals, but they don’t have to. They’re just about something meaningful to you that drives you to reach outside yourself. Research shows that thinking about superheroes can make you physically stronger in the gym. But only if you feel a connection to superheroes. Stories affect the muscles in your body and also the willpower inside your head.
When the story you tell yourself says “This is worth it” you will work harder and stick through the greatest challenges, like Viktor Frankl did. Sometimes the stories are true, sometimes they’re not, but they keep us going. For an extra boost, try writing your story down. Research shows it canmake you 11 percent happier with your life.
4. HAVE YOU MADE IT A GAME?
A. Call me Mario.
B. I’m still waiting for my annual review.
Did you answer a? Ignore me and keep on playing. Head to the next question.
If you related more to b, remember that whiny neutered goats fly. You need winnable games, novel challenges, goals, and feedback to feel engaged in whatever it is you do.
Ever wonder why it’s so easy to help other people with their problems but often so hard to deal with your own? That distance you feel with your friend’s issues shifts them from emotionally fraught problems to fun challenges. They go from stress grenades to cool puzzles. Reframing problems as game-like challenges increases resilience and reduces stress.
Freakonomics did a fascinating experiment. They looked at the number of Dilbert comics in offices and juxtaposed them with the company’s level of morale. The more Dilbert comics hanging on cubicle farm walls predicted just how unengaged the employees felt. Remember, it’s your game. Don’t wait for others to make your job or your life exciting.
Apply WNGF (Winnable, Novel challenges, Goals and provide Feedback) and take the reins. Many hear the story of Joe Simpson and wonder why anyone would want to do something as dangerous as mountain climbing in the first place. Good question. But his answer was simple: climbing is fun.
5. YOU ARE A GRIT MACHINE. ARE YOU THINKING LIKE A SICK PERSON?
A. I know what my most important thing is and I’m focusing on that.
B. Can’t answer right now. I’ve got three hundred things on my todo list.
If you answered a, you know what to do.
If you answered b, what old activities and routines take up a bunch of your time but provide little value? Andy Rooney found himself being a bit of a pack rat and decided to do something about it. He added up how much his house was costing him per month by calculating mortgage, utilities, taxes, etc. Then he divided by the amount of square footage. That told him how much “rent” per square foot any item in his house should be paying to stay there. Was the refrigerator worth it? Yeah, it provided a lot of value. How about that old rusty exercise machine in the basement he never used? Nope. So he got rid of it. You can do a similar rough calculation with your time.
Get rid of the activities that provide little value and don’t serve your goals. Then add those hours to fuel progress toward the big things that matter.
You can’t do it all and do it well. Kill the activities that don’t produce results and double down on what does.
6. YOU’RE ALMOST THERE. HAVE YOU ADDED SOME “LITTLE BETS”?
A. I’ve packed my bags for the Shaolin temple.
B. I don’t even try new television channels because who knows what could be on there?
Did you answer a? Why are you still reading this? Go conquer the world.
Did you answer b? Stop being Batman. Stop trying to be perfect at everything. Try, fail, and learn like those crazy kindergarteners who smoked the competition in the Spaghetti Problem. And I do mean literally; a study showed that we’re more creative when we think like a kid.
We don’t like to admit it, but often we really don’t know what we want. Research shows that “only 6 percent of people work in the profession they aspired to in childhood” and a third of people end up in a career that has nothing to do with their college major. So you need to get out there and try more stuff, like Richard Wiseman’s lucky people did. You don’t need to quit Princeton and move to China—but it’s not always a terrible idea either.
Stories and limits—that’s what grit and quit come down to. Focus on those two and you can be as unstoppable as a Toronto raccoon—but so successful that you’ll never have to eat out of a trash can.
4: It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know (Unless It Really Is What You Know)
KNOW WHO YOU ARE
pick the right role: extroverts/introverts/ambiverts should choose a work that aligns
IN THE END, IT’S ALL ABOUT FRIENDSHIP
no to networking, yes to friendship
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL ARE ALWAYS GETTING AND GIVING
mentor and be mentored
YOUR NETWORK INFLUENCES YOU, LIKE IT OR NOT. MAKE SURE IT’S A GOOD ONE
surround yourself with the people you want to be
EXPRESS GRATITUDE - say thank you!
gratitude is the quality that makes people want to spend more time with you. Gratitude is the tactical nuke of happiness and the cornerstone of long-lasting relationships
5: Believe in Yourself … Sometimes
Well, have some self-compassion!
BELIEVING IN YOURSELF IS NICE. FORGIVING YOURSELF IS BETTER
ADJUST FOR YOUR NATURAL LEVEL OF SELF-ESTEEM
beware the pitfalls of being confident/humble
ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE? EARN IT.
“get better” goals
DON’T BE A FAKER
but present the best version of yourself
6: Work, Work, Work . . . or Work–Life Balance?
There are three categories of people—the person who goes into the office, puts his feet up on his desk, and dreams for twelve hours;
the person who arrives at five A.M. and works sixteen hours, never once stopping to dream;
and the person who puts his feet up, dreams for one hour, then does something about those dreams.
TRACK YOUR TIME
count where the hours go and check if they end up in the big 4:
- HAPPINESS = ENJOYING
- ACHIEVEMENT = WINNING
- SIGNIFICANCE = COUNTING (TO OTHERS)
- LEGACY = EXTENDING)
TALK TO YOUR BOSS
Ask your boss for a clear idea of your role and their expectations, and whether this or that change would really be an issue.
TO-DO LISTS ARE EVIL. SCHEDULE EVERYTHING.
prioritize
The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything
CONTROL YOUR CONTEXT
a large body of research shows that the more that authority figures hang around, the more questions they ask, and especially the more feedback they give their people, the less creative the work will be. Why? Because doing creative work entails constant setbacks and failure, and people want to succeed when the boss is watching — which means doing proven, less creative things that are sure to work.
END THE DAY RIGHT — AND ON TIME
Make a strict time-off mechanism/ “shutdown ritual” in which you take the time to close out the day’s business and prepare for tomorrow
Conclusion
I hope you die
be aware that your time on Earth is limited, you will make decisions more meaningful and spend your time more wisely!